My dear brothers and sisters, today I would like to speak to you about how to protect your marriage in Jesus Christ and how to keep family life holy — not only in the body, but also in the mind and soul.

Every family will face problems. There may be fear, confusion, irritation, arguments, separation, and painful moments. These things can come into any married life. But if you begin your family life with the help of God and continue to depend on Him, God will intervene in every crisis. He will help your relationship, your family life, and your married life.

It is God’s responsibility, and also our responsibility, to protect marriage and unity, because marriage begins with God’s permission and blessing. Look at the example of Mother Mary and St. Joseph. Their family life also faced problems. When Mary was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit, Joseph did not fully understand it at first. There was confusion and pain. But God intervened and protected the Holy Family.

In the same way, God can protect every family. If you start your family life with God, He will help you stand firm. Without God, family life can become weak, confused, and difficult.

 Ecclesiastes 4: 11-12 – “Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

A marriage is made of three people – Husband, Wife and God. In a family, three people should be there.  God is the unifying factor. If God is absent, everything else is absent.

Brothers and sisters, every human being is made up of body, mind or heart, and spirit or soul. These three must be in the proper order. The body should not control the person. The emotions should not control the person. The spirit must be connected to God and must guide the emotions and the body.

A divine person is one whose body and emotions are governed by the spirit. When the spirit is strong and connected to God, the emotions and the body act in the right way. This is very important in family life and married life.

Jesus shows us the right way to respond to life. We see in the below verses, how Jesus reacted. 

John 11:33 – “When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved.”

Luke 10:21- “At that very hour Jesus rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and the intelligent and have revealed them to infants; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.”

John 13: 21 – “After saying this Jesus was troubled in spirit and declared, “Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.”

Jesus reacted in the Spirit.

A normal person may respond to situations emotionally or physically. We express through our body, but a person led by God responds spiritually. When Jesus saw people hungry and suffering, He did not only react emotionally. He acted with compassion and provided for them. He reacted in the Spirit; everything was in the Spirit. The Spirit was in control. Emotions supported it and the body acts accordingly.

This is the difference between an ordinary response and a spiritual response. A perfect human being allows the spirit to guide the emotions, and then the body acts accordingly.

In marriage, this same order is important. Husband and wife should not be controlled only by emotions or physical desires. They must be guided by the spirit of God.

Think about Mother Mary. Even when she faced suffering and confusion, she did not react only with fear or emotion. She saw the bigger picture of God’s plan. She didn’t point the finger at God when the sword pierced her heart. She seen the sacrifice of Jesus as the salvation of her other children. She looked at everything spiritually. Emotions supported and the body acted accordingly. Mother Mary is a divine human being.

Mother Mary teaches us to remain faithful, humble, and obedient to God even when things are painful or unclear.

A human being has spirit, emotion, and body. Marriage also has this order. In family life, we need to have the same order.

What is the order?

The Spirit of the Man gets united with the Spirit of the woman. – Spiritual union.

Emotions of the Man gets united with the emotions of the woman – Emotional union

Body of the Man gets united with the body of the woman – Bodily or physical union

We also need to see things spiritually. Many situations may not make sense immediately, but if we look with faith, we can understand that God is working for salvation and for the good of the family.

Holiness of Marriage

When a man and woman enter marriage, their union must begin with God. Marriage is not only a physical relationship. It is a spiritual covenant. God created marriage from the beginning. In the Old Testament and in the New Testament, marriage is shown as something holy.

When God is invited into marriage, Jesus is present in that marriage. He protects it and blesses it. But the disposition and attitude of the husband and wife are very important.

Sometimes a man and woman want to get married, but before marriage they may have already entered into a physical relationship. They may think, “We are going to get married anyway, so what is wrong?” But this can damage the proper order of marriage.

The grace of the sacrament is powerful, but the couple’s preparation and inner attitude matter. If the couple comes to marriage without proper repentance, without confession, or without the right disposition, the grace may not become active in their family life as it should.

Marriage may be legally valid, and the ceremony may take place, but the spiritual fruits may be limited if the couple does not prepare properly.

Marriage is difficult because two people come from different families, different cultures, different backgrounds, and different personalities. They must live together, sleep together, make decisions together, and share life together. This is not easy by human strength alone.

Only by the grace of God can husband and wife remain united with true love, patience, commitment, and forgiveness. In the sacrament of marriage, God gives grace for daily life, for romantic love, for commitment, for perseverance, and for building a family.

But again, the disposition of the couple is very important. If they approach marriage casually, without seriousness, the grace may not bear fruit fully.

The sacraments are not magic. The celebration alone is not enough. The grace of Christ is present, but the person receiving the sacrament must have the right disposition.

CCC 1128:

“This is the meaning of the Church’s affirmation that the sacraments act ex opere operato (literally: “by the very fact of the action’s being performed”), i.e., by virtue of the saving work of Christ, accomplished once for all. It follows that “the sacrament is not wrought by the righteousness of either the celebrant or the recipient, but by the power of God.” From the moment that a sacrament is celebrated in accordance with the intention of the Church, the power of Christ and his Spirit acts in and through it, independently of the personal holiness of the minister. Nevertheless, the fruits of the sacraments also depend on the disposition of the one who receives them.”

This explains that the sacrament is not affected by the righteousness of either parties involved- not by the unholiness of the celebrant of the recipient. But the fruits of the sacrament depend on the disposition of the one who receives it.

 For example, if a person receives a sacrament without faith, repentance, or preparation, the fruits of that sacrament may not be visible. The same is true in marriage. If a couple enters marriage without proper confession, without purity of heart, or after living in a way that contradicts God’s plan, the intervention of God and His protection in the family may be limited.

Many families suffer because the grace of marriage is not active in their lives. The problem is not with God’s grace. The problem is often with the couple’s lack of proper preparation and openness to God.

Many people spend a great deal of time preparing for the wedding celebration — the clothes, the food, the hall, the decorations, the invitations, the dancing, and the party. But they do not give the same attention to spiritual preparation.

Marriage should be taken seriously. That is why we have a marriage preparation course, marriage confessions and Eucharistic celebration before entering the sacrament. A couple SHOULD prepare through prayer, confession, counseling, and marriage preparation. They should understand the responsibilities of married life before entering it.

A wedding should not be only about celebration. The focus should be on the sacrament.  It should be about entering a holy covenant before God.

When marriage is not taken seriously, families break. Children suffer. There is confusion, pain, and a lack of positive influence in the home. There is no connection with Jesus Christ.  There is no connection with God. Marriage affects not only the husband and wife but also their children and future generations. Therefore, marriage must be celebrated in holiness, respect, and fear of God.

If problems come later — physical problems, relationship problems, family problems — people may look for help. But if God and the Church were not invited seriously into the marriage from the beginning, they may feel alone in their struggles.

Even if mistakes were made before marriage, it is still possible to return to God. A couple can repent, confess, and ask God to restore grace in their family life.

You cannot change the past, but you can ask God to rectify what went wrong. Through repentance, confession, forgiveness, and renewed commitment, God can heal the marriage.

Marriage must not be taken lightly. It is one of the most important institutions created by God in human history. If family life is affected, children are affected. If marriage is holy, the family can receive greater grace.

Hebrew 13: 4 – “Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. “

This means your Marriage should be held in honor by all.

1 Corinthians 7: 14 – “For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

The husband and wife must live in a proper relationship before God. If the parents are not living in holiness, it affects the children.

When the husband and wife do not allow grace to work in their married life, how can they expect their children to receive the full fruits of that grace? Some families remain in bondage because they do not approach marriage and family life with the right disposition.

The fruits of grace depend on the seriousness, faith, and openness of the couple.

Structure of Marriage / Family

In family life, Scripture speaks about the relationship between husband and wife.

The husband is considered the head of the family, but this does not mean domination, abuse, or superiority. It means responsibility and service. The wife and the family should respect ‘the office or position of the Husband’ in the family.

The Husband should respect and honour ‘the office or the position of the wife’ in the family and the children should respect and honour ‘the office or the position of the parents’

Being the head is not a sign of authority by a sign of ministry. Each person of the family has a ministry. Everyone’s ministry is different.

In the Old Testament, God made Adam responsible of the family that he had. God questioned Adam first instead of Eve even though Eve was the first one to commit the original sin. Adam was the head of the family.

In the New Testament, In the Holy Family, Jesus is the holiest person, Mother Mary is most holy, and Joseph is the head of the family in his role. Even though Mother Mary was holy as she was an immaculate conception and she was the chosen vessel of God himself and Jesus is the son of God, the angel spoke to marry only once. But once they were married, the angels spoke to Joseph for all guidance, all the help, all the correction because he was the head of the family.

Joseph’s authority was not about power over Mary and Jesus. It was a ministry of protection, service, guidance, and responsibility. A husband must understand that being the head of the family means serving the family, protecting the family, and leading with humility.

Mother Mary teaches us obedience to God and humility.

Ephesians 5: 22- “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord”

This does not mean slavery or inferiority. It means living the role of Jesus Christ within the family — with humility, love, and respect. Husband and wife are equal in dignity, but their ministries within the family are different.

Philippians 2: 5 – “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, assuming human likeness and being found in appearance as a human, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death – even death on a cross. Therefore, God exalted him even more highly and give him the name that is above every other name,”

Jesus, though He was equal with God, did not cling to equality as something to exploit. He humbled Himself and became obedient to the Father. This attitude of Jesus is the model for family life.

In a family, Husband stands in the place of the Heavenly Father along with the attitude of the Heavenly Father and Wife stands in the place of Jesus Christ, along with the attitude of Jesus Christ.

 A husband must not dominate his wife. He must be full of affection, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and love. His leadership should never become control, insult, or abuse. The wife also has a ministry in the family. Husband and wife must honor one another and live with mutual respect. True family life is not about fighting for power. It is about love, service, sacrifice, and respect. This is the ministry of husband and wife.

The wife’s respect and the husband’s service must both reflect Christ.

Respect your wife. Respect your husband. This is the true meaning of Christian family life.

1 Peter 3: 7 – “Husbands, in the same way, show consideration for your wives in your life together, paying honor to the woman—though the weaker vessel, they are joint heirs of the gracious gift of life—so that nothing may hinder your prayers”

Husbands must consider their wives and treat them with honor. If a husband insults his wife, humiliates her, uses her, degrades her, or makes fun of her in front of the children or family, his prayers will not be heard in the right way.

Likewise, if a wife insults her husband, makes fun of him, or disrespects him in front of the children or others, this also damages the family.

Ephesians 5:33 – “Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.”

The role of a husband is to love their wives and the role of a wife is to respect their husbands. This is not about one person being greater than the other. It is about each person fulfilling their God-given ministry in the family.

1 Corinthians 7:1 – 6 – “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of cases of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife what is due her and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. This I say by way of concession, not of command.”

I have explained before, every marriage has three union – spiritual, emotional and physical. Love is an important part of the physical union. Without love, a physical union could be considered as immoral act.  This kind of physical union where there no emotional or spiritual union is not of Christian value; it should not happen. Both people in marriage should give importance to each other.  Husband cannot deny a wife conjugal act and a wife cannot deny a husband’s conjugal act. The Husband and Wife should eat, sleep, drink, etc. together, because that is why you were created and united. There is exception, when the relationship is abusive or sadistic. But generally, you are no more two people. You are one.

A holy marriage requires love, respect, forgiveness, humility, prayer, and commitment. When husband and wife live this way, God’s grace can become active in the family.

Let us examine our conscience on how we have come to the sacrament of marriage? let us ask for forgiveness and repent on our sins and reflect on all these areas so that our family life and marriage is protected by God.

Transcribed by Audrey Sequeira